Today I made a Fox

My lovely friend came over t’other day with all sorts of wonderful fabrics and patterns to play with. I set about trying to make a pair of pj bottoms, after realising I had nowhere near enough baking parchment to make a copy of a pattern. I thought I’d go a few steps easier and make a lovely, lovely fox stuffed toy from this fantastic selection of Simplicity patterns.
click here to go to the site

It was beautifully therapeutic to cut out the individual pieces of pattern, though at one point I was staring blankly at the paper unable to see the number I needed. Thankfully my friend helped and I could begin choosing the colours and began making the face:


I had a wonderful time but my brain did seem to be lost in a haze of cotton wool. It’s been a very long time since I’ve spent any considerable time socialising and to be perfectly honest it wore me out.  I could not stop thinking if I was doing the right thing, saying the right thing, was I doing too much, too little? Every word I spoke came out after consideration or if one comment did escape unchecked my mind would examine and re-examine whether it was Right. 

I am perfectly aware that this is unreasonable. There is no Right way to act.  I try to keep the thought in mind that, even if I happen to say something  Wrong, people are not judged on a solitary word or action.

In the past in order to stop myself feeling negative thoughts about myself I would use unhelpful behaviours. that evening however I sat and thought of all the good that happened that day and tried to dismiss the times I thought I’d acted strangely. It’s a small step forward on the long road of recovery.

Today I finished what  I started and finished this fellow and gave him to my little sister.


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